Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend!
by Tw1ggy
Summary: Harry and Ginny refuse to admit their true feelings for each other so Hermione interferes and chaos and hilarity ensues!
1. Those Darn Pork Chops!

Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!

**Summary!**

Years after the war, Harry and Ginny are still not the happy couple. Hermione finds it to be in their best interests that she interferes. Which means giving each of them a self-help book on relationships, 'Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!'. Will it work? Or is Ginny doomed to call a stuffed animal bunny named Bartholomew her 'significant other' and Harry to removing melting snowmen from his car everyday? Hysterical!

R'n R!

This first chapter is dedicated to my dearest sister But3rcupbaby! (On three everyone, aaaawww!) She is the first person ever to read this story, is also my editor and it's her birthday! HAPPY SWEET 16 TRINSEL (aka But3rcupbaby)!!!!!

Chapter One **Those Darn Pork Chops!**

_**Ginny's POV**_

So here I was, standing in the middle of my flat holding a stuffed animal rabbit named Bartholomew (Bart for short, of course). I was supposed to bathe him twice a week in lavender soap (and by the way, eww!) and feed him shredded carrots and parsnips with lemon juice every night at 5:30 sharp, no later. Great, I now worked at a petting zoo!

Now tell me again, how the hell did I get myself into this situation?! Oh yeah, having Luna as a friend. Luna had decided to take a trip to Indonesia to go in search of Huffaulmps. How did this affect me? Oh yeah, how could I forget! I was stuck taking care of her terrycloth rabbit for two weeks! Two bloody weeks! I loved old Luna dearly, but really! As soon as I told Luna, "Of course I would take care of _dear_ Bart, it would be my immense pleasure!" The social life fairy came along and tapped me with her wand. **PING!** No more social life for you, missy! I would now be spending my evenings trying to force-feed an inanimate object. I'm bouncing off the walls with excitement!

I was still pondering how to get myself out of this situation (which seemed as possible as telling Harry to snap his Firebolt in two and having him do so. Definition of impossible, by the way!) when the doorbell rang.

I strode quickly to the door and pulled it open. In front of me stood a beaming, bushy haired Hermione.

"Hey Ginny! How are you?"

I stood there, staring at her incredulously, not saying a word. _Oh Hermione I'm great! No, scratch that! Wonderful, spankingly fabulous! Just dandy! Simply Spiffing, or quite corking, thank you very much (as my dear twin brothers Gred and Forge would say) Never been better! I've just started a boarding house for stuffed animals! Yes I know, what an ingenious idea! Would you like me to take care of dear old Mippy, Missy? No, Moppy? Oh Mopsey! That's right, how could I forget! Yes, what a dear little fleecy, stuffed animal bunny she is! It would be splendid to have her here! I think I have one room left, just let me get the key to the room and-_

But I didn't say any of that. Instead an indecipherable noise came out of my throat, sounding like a combination of a llama licking a lollypop while singing opera and a hippogriph choking on a kiwi. Hermione looked at me, obviously concerned for my sanity. I mean, who wouldn't be! I was standing there at my front door wearing a fuzzy, yet pilled, lavender bathrobe, my hair looked like a tornado had just breezed through and a terry cloth rabbit was dangling from my hand by it's right ear. I had to admit the full picture _was_ rather odd.

But of course, Hermione took it right in her stride. "Ah, well, why don't I make us some tea! Hmm?" she said in a very Hermione-ish way.

This remark shook me out of my revere and I managed to spit out, "Yeah, sure, sounds, er great."

Five minutes later found me sitting on the couch with Hermione sitting across from me; legs crossed, hands clasped primly.

"Now Ginny," she began, "before you say anything, just let me explain."

Oooh no! I knew Hermione too well to know that any conversation that started with that phrase wasn't going to be my bunch of bananas! That is to say, this was not going to be an enjoyable conversation!

Hermione unzipped her purse and pulled out a small, hardback book. Big, bold, red letters proclaimed the ominous title-

_Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!_

"Now," said Hermione," I brought this for you and-"

_What? What?! For me? Wait a minute 'Who Stole My Goddamn **Girlfriend**'? Oh. My. God! Hermione thinks I'm lesbian!_

"HERMIONE ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR CANDY WRAPPER?!"

_It must have happened when I ate dinner with Hermione last week! Pork chops! She must have spiked my pork chops with Veritaserum and I admitted I was lesbian! THOSE DARN PORK CHOPS! But wait a minute- that doesn't make any sense because I'm** not** lesbian! Therefore truth-telling potion would not force me to say I'm lesbian! Ha! So there! I mean c'mon, I'm still obsessing over Harry Bloody Potter! And unless he got a gender change (which is highlyunlikely and a highly amusing concept to ponder hmm…) there is no way I'm lesbian! So once again- HA! Reason to the rescue! Whoa! Rewinding here! Did I just say I'm still obsessing over Harry? Yeah right! I need to get my head checked out! I got over him **centuries **ago!_

My consistent train of mind-babbling caused me to neglect the fact that Hermione had been yelling my name for the past five minutes. I also just realized that throughout my hysterical wonderings I had been shaking my head back and forth like a dog trying to rid it's ears of water. So not only was Hermione yelling at me at the top of her lungs, she was also looking at me with a strange and almost bemused expression on her face. _Great, now she's going to call social services and have me carted off to the loony bin! Gah!_

Hermione's voice cut through my train of thought again-

"GINNY!"

"WHAT!" I yelled back at an equal decimal.

Hermione continued in a normal voice, "Ginny, I brought this book on relationship problems-"

"Oh Hermione!" I cut in trying to sound completely fascinated, "what a wonderfully fantastically extremely helpful book! About relationship problems is it? Well I'm sure it will help you and Ron a great deal," I continued, adopting what I thought was a motherly voice. "Now I know this wonderful counselor! Let me get some paper and I'll write her number down for you, just give me a sec-"

"GINNY!"

Augh! By the end of this conversation I was going to be deaf!

"WHAT!" Wow, this was sure becoming redundant!

"But, but…" I stuttered

"I brought this book for YOU! Ron and I are fine!" she added as an afterthought. "It's a book on relationship problems for MEN AND WOMEN! See, you can read the front flap! I thought it was just what you needed!" she said, gleefully clapping her hands together like a little girl.

Slowly, I reached my hand out to the book as if it were a venomous snake and lifted the cover to read the front flap-

_Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!_

**This is a question we should all ask ourselves throughout our relationships!**

**Ever feel as if you are being pulled into the pit of desperate relationships with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Has your relationship lost the spark it once had? Are you stuck in the doldrums? Just clinging to the edge of that deep, dark void of singledom? Find yourself hovering above the terrifying abyss of failed relationships? Well it's time to turn your romance around! It's time to save your sabotaged relationship before it sabotages you! _Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend_ gives a step by step foolproof guide of how to pull your relationship back to where you want it to be!---**

That was when my mouth dropped precariously close to the floor and I gaped at her in complete and utter horror. BAM! My jaw hit the floor with a resounding thud. I could see where this conversation was going and I didn't like it one bit! INGT! INGT! INGT! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

"I AM NOT STILL HARPING OVER HARRY BLOODY POTTER!"

"Ginny, anyone who knows you can obviously see-" Hermione countered calmly but I cut her off.

"DO NOT MENTION HIM AROUND ME OR I WILL GO INTO A SEIZURE AND HAVE SPAMS ACROSS THE FLOOR LIKE A BEACHED FLOUNDER!"

_Right! I definitely got rid of ALL my feeling for Harry 'centuries'ago!_

_**Hermione's POV**_

_One down, one to go. _I walked up to the door of the flat Harry and Ron shared together. Ginny's reaction to the book was fairly predictable, but I was interested to see what Harry would do. I rang the doorbell at least three times before I heard the lock on the door click and Harry emerged from behind it. It looked like I had gotten him out of bed. He stared at me dazedly, obviously confused why I was here at such an _early _hour in the morning. Honestly all Harry and Ron seem to do these days is sleep!

"Yeh?"

Let's just say Harry's not exactly a morning person!

"Hi Harry!" I said brightly looking up at him. He seemed currently incapable of any form of speech, so I made the decision of letting me into his flat for him. I had to push him gently aside as I went in, poor guy, he'd been so out of it since he and Ginny never got back together after the war.

"You know Harry," I said, "it's rude to stand in the doorway when you have a guest."

He rubbed his eyes groggily and mumbled, "I'll go get Ron."

"No, no need for that. I came to talk to _you_!" I emphasized the last word. He stared at me incredulously then glanced at the clock whose hands were on eleven o'clock.

"Where is Ron by the way?" I added.

"Asleep," he grunted as if that's what any sensible human being would be doing at this hour in the morning.

Taking the lead, I strode into the tiny kitchen and sat down in one of the chairs. Harry soon followed suit. I wasn't sure of the best way to tell him, considering he was half asleep. I decided I would come straight out with it. I unzipped my purse for the second time that morning and pulled out a book identical to the one I had previously given Ginny. Harry's eyes widened as they scanned the cover. Even in his half conscious state he knew where this was going.

"No, not good, not good!" was all he managed to say.

"Oh Harry," I sighed, "It's for your own good!" You'll thank me later!" I added sweetly.

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I plan to (hopefully) update every other Friday!

-Toodles, Twiggy!


	2. Flying Rolls and Revenge

**Disclaimer!**

This is a disclaimer for this chapter and the first one because I forgot it then-

Sadly, I do not own any aspect of the Harry Potter books because if I did I would be married to Harry himself and living with him in a nice little cottage in the French countryside. And of course that isn't true. 

**Thanks to my reviewers…**

Moonprincess92, CoCoPixie134, Darkened Starlight, writeforonce and of course But3rcupbaby. Thank you so much- your comments are greatly appreciated!

**This chapter is dedicated to…**

My dear friends Lolly and Paul Paul! Thank you guys! For your reviews and support! Yes, they actually sent reviews, unlike some of you (hint, hint!) So anyway Lolly and Paul Paul, I hope you enjoy this chapter, especially since it is dedicated to you! And yes, some time I do plan to post the Steak 'n Shake story! And of course you get credit for a lot of the ideas!

But without further ado…

'Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!'

Chapter 2

Flying Rolls and Revenge

**Harry's POV**

I maneuvered my way through the crowded parking lot, looking for a safe spot to park my brand new, emerald green Z3 BMW convertible. Quickly but carefully, I slammed the door shut and raced up the steps to the restaurant.

I couldn't believe I was actually going along with this. Hermione had decided that we ought to try the first step of the book, 'Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend' on confronting your fears. So here I was heading to a dinner with Ginny. Late.

The restaurant was crowded, but it was easy to find Ginny with her bright red hair that seemed to light up the pub. She was standing next to our table, obviously annoyed. One hand was resting on her hip, the other methodically tapping the table, beside her. Her perfect lips were twisted into an unpleasant smirk, eyebrows raised, and the glare she was giving me seemed to emit sparks. I knew that look. It was the look of impending doom.

"Hi Harry," said Ginny with a sarcastic air, "Long time no see, what's it been now, three years?"

I could already tell how well this dinner was going to go.

I quickly pulled out my chair and sat down. Ginny however, remained standing until the waitress came by with a basket of rolls and asked if there was anything wrong.

"Why were you late?" Ginny inquired.

"I was er, waxing my car…" I admitted truthfully.

"Car?"

"Yeah, it's a dark green Z3 BMW conver-" I explained proudly before she cut me off.

"You could have gotten here on time if you had apparated. But nooo-oh you had to drive your lovely new B3-whatever-it's-called-convertible!

Right, this dinner was going great. Just great.

For lack of anything better to do, I grabbed a roll and began slowly spreading liberal amounts of butter onto it, glancing at Ginny now and then. She tried to keep her face turned away from me, side bangs hanging across her face, but they were not long enough to cover up the death glare obviously directed towards me.

Finally, Ginny snapped and looked up. Brown eyes met green and we both began blushing furiously. I felt the heat creeping up my neck and noticed her face matched her vividly red hair. Heck, she was just as beautiful as ever even when her face was completely flushed.

Her look of embarrassment shortly morphed into one of fury. "Stop staring at me Potter", she spat at me.

The rest of dinner continued in much of the same manner. I tried to carry on a pleasant conversation with her, but it came to a screeching halt when Ginny told me I'd 'left my mental marshmallows in the microwave too long' (whatever that's supposed to mean) and proceeded to throw a roll at me.

In the end she grabbed her purse, swung it over her shoulder and dramatically stalked out, shouting back something about having to go home to Bartholomew, whoever he was. I'd never heard her mention him before. I wonder... Hey, for all I knew it could even be her boyfriend! I cringed at the thought. No one's good enough for Ginny except for… Ugh, no wonder she was in a such a bad mood. She already had a boyfriend and then she was forced to have dinner with me!

**Ginny's POV**

I dashed up the stairs to my flat and flew through the door, throwing my purse down as I went. I pulled out a kitchen chair, sat down and put my head in my hands. Finally I looked up and saw Bart sitting on the table, propped up against a stack of books. "Oh Barty, I've ruined it now", I cried to him. "Every single chance of ever getting back with Harry. Gone. And now look where I am. Talking to a stuffed animal rabbit as if it's real. I've botched this whole thing up Bart!"

"And then of course I had to start blushing and swooning all over him. I'm worse than I was when I was eleven!"

"But hey! It's not _all_ my fault. Harry was the one who promised he would come back and never did. Till now… late of course!"

"It's that stupid book", I continued miserably, "I should never have gone to dinner."

At that moment, I spotted the offending book lying at the floor near my feet. I swung my leg back and gave it a mighty kick. The book flew up into the air, hit the wall in front of me, arched back and hit the floor with a resounding thud. _Take that you stupid book! _ It lay there face up open to what looked like chapter eight. Looking closer I could see what it really said-

Chapter 8: REVENGE

If you and your SO (significant other) still haven't come to the consensus that you both hurt each other, it's time to (in a sense) get revenge. This lesson on revenge however should not be taken in the literal terms. Revenge does not involve descending to the other's level and-

_Hmm, maybe this wasn't such a bad book after all…_

So what did you think? Too much rambling? Good? Great? Terrible? On a scale of one to ten…?

Please review. If you don't I won't post anymore (oh I know I'm so evil, but I DO already have chapter three on here!). No reviews, no story (that has such a nice ring to it doesn't it?)

This extremely random fic was brought to you today by the letter C and the number five! 


	3. Deluxe Boxed Set!

**Disclaimer**

Once again, I do not own any part of the Harry Potter series and of course will not abuse it. I think one of those characters has had enough abuse already!  Poor guy!

But anyway, moving swiftly on…

**This chapter is dedicated to…**

CHOCOLATE!!! Or more specifically, the people who invented it, which would be the Mayans. Thank you so much! I honestly don't go a single day without having at least one small smidgeon of chocolate. And of course 'chocolate' is also the title of one of my favorite songs by Snow Patrol. It's just an all around good thing!

'Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!'

Chapter 3

Deluxe Boxed Set!

**Ginny's POV**

_Today was definitely a bubble-bath day. _ I wound my way through my tiny cramped apartment, heading for the kitchen where I was planning to get myself a nice rich, steaming mug of hot chocolate. That was until I realized I was out of hot cocoa powder. As I said before, today was definitely a bubble-bath day. I was up late last night working on a, let's just say, a project. Therefore, I was exhausted and wanted a bubble bath and a cup of hot chocolate, but there was none. _Damn._

Finally, I decided that my need for chocolate was much greater than my need for a bubble bath. I pulled on some sweat pants and a V-neck T-shirt, threw my hair up into a bun and headed toward the entrance. Opening the door and stepping out into the sunlight I felt myself walk into something hard and warm. It was rather tall too. Or should I say _he_ was rather tall. It was Harry.

_Great, he had probably been waiting all morning for me to come out just so he could sabotage me._

Harry looked absolutely livid. I'd never seen him like that before. His face was the color of tomato soup. This got me to wondering about how much redder he could possibly go_. Hey, let's play 'irritate Harry so much that his face turns from red to purple._ But in the current circumstance, the one where Harry was glaring daggers at me, I didn't think that was the brightest idea.

I took a step back from the seething man in front of me. Slowly I reached my hand back, groping for the doorknob behind me... I thought I would have a better chance of disapperating away from a wrathful Harry if I made it back inside my flat. My plan was soon foiled however, when my hand did not touch the doorknob but enclosed around Harry's hand instead, which was holding the doorknob, preventing me from escaping.I quickly pulled my hand away and considered my options_. A) I could attempt to disapperate away from Harry. Which could be a tad bit tricky considering the homicidal look that adorned his beautiful face. B) I could stand my ground and give him a punch or two if it came to that. Unfortunately, I had left my wand on the kitchen table in my hurry to leave. But of course I had to take into account the fact that he was a lot bigger than me, and a great deal stronger. Or C) I could fall onto my knees and begin sobbing hysterically, asking Harry for forgiveness. Hey, what was there to lose?_

But then another thought occurred to me. _Why would I do any of those things in the first place? I have no reason to be afraid of Harry. No reason to ask his forgiveness. There is no reason to be worried at all…_ Except for the fact that Harry was holding the latest copy of the Daily Prophet in his left hand.

I was dead.

"What's the meaning of this?" he spat, shoving the paper in my face. I didn't have to read it to know what article he was trying to attract my attention to.

**IN NEED OF A GOOD HOME**

Domesticated, sexy beast from Heaven, Harry James Potter, 22.

Emerald green Z3 and couch included!

DELUXE BOXED SET!

CAUTION: Contents may result in extreme swooning,

loss of coordination and slurring of words.

DO NOT mix with publicity!

Price upon inquiry at:

Number 86,

Warrington Crescent,

London

I squeaked. _Way to go with the 'not being afraid of Harry plan'!_

"So Ginny", said Harry sweetly changing his demeanor instantly, "this couldn't possibly have anything to do with _you_ could it?"

"Er, no Harry", was all I managed to get out, "Why would you ever think that?"

Questions, comments, concerns? Just REVIEW!

And of course this rambling fic was brought to you today by the letter P and the number six!


	4. Awkward Consequences

**Disclaimer! **How many times am I going to have to say this? A lot, because I have many more chapters planned. But anyway… Harry Potter doesn't belong to me because if he did, I would have a very angry redhead hot on my trail. Scary thought. She's got one bad bat boogey hex!

**This chapter is dedicated to…**

My favorite character in the Rachel Benjamin mystery series because I used her phrase 'nifty little number featuring white whales on a navy background' in this chapter. In the Rachel Benjamin book _The Jinx_ that phrase originally described a man's tie. But hey, who says I can't use it to describe boxers!

**Thanks to my reviewers…**

KoolGiRl9555, Darkened Starlight, writeforonce, and But3rcupbaby.

'Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!'

Chapter 4

Awkward Consequences

**Hermione's POV **

Not having found Harry at his flat, I decided to try at Ginny's. And that was where I found them both. They were standing outside Ginny's flat having what looked like a stare down. Harry towered over Ginny with one hand on the doorknob, preventing her from escaping. Despite her small size, Ginny was putting up a rather good fight. The look she was giving Harry was particularly menacing. Almost like a dragon protecting her eggs. Yes, this could definitely get ugly.

"Hi Harry, Ginny," I said, deciding it was best to step in before World War Three broke out. At the sound of my voice they both whipped around to face me and I smiled at them sweetly.

"Oh, er, hi Hermione!" exclaimed Ginny, trying her best to sound innocent. "What brings you here?"

"Actually," I countered, "I think the real question is what are _you two doing there_?"

"We, uh, er…" stuttered Ginny.

"We were-" started Harry, only to get cut off by Ginny.

"We were going to the zoo to play poker!" spouted Ginny randomly.

"_What_?" yelled Harry. I watched in amusement as Harry stared at Ginny incredulously and she gave him a scorching look in return.

"Actually," said Harry icily, his green eyes glinting, "we were having a _pleasant _conversation concerning _this_." With that he threw a copy of the Daily Prophet at me.

I caught it and immediately noticed a familiar article on the front page. "Oh yes," I said with a little laugh, "I was wondering who had the nerve to do such a thing."

"Yes, I was wondering the same thing," said Harry giving Ginny a pointed look. Ginny backed into the wall, gave Harry a tightlipped smile, shrugged her shoulders and said, "I dunno Harry, that's a good question."

"Yes, it's caused quite an uproar. Ron's decided to stay with me until the publicity's died down. Said he couldn't get a wink of sleep this morning. Must've been terrible for you, Harry, having everyone knocking on your door 24/7!" I said hurriedly trying to distract them before they both grabbed each other in a headlock. Instead Harry continued talking to Ginny, as they circled around each other like two caged lions.

"But what about you, Harry, where are you going to stay?" I asked him. "I'd let you stay with Ron and I but my flat is hardly big enough for me alone! I suppose you _could_ stay with Ginny…" I continued slyly.

"Nuh, uh!" they both said at the same time.

I stared at them.

"I mean, er, that is to say," Harry cleared his throat, "that just er… wouldn't work out," he finished lamely.

"Yeah," said Ginny, coming to Harry's aid, "it's the same for me Hermione, my flat's barely big enough for me alone too. And er, and, and… Harry's so tall, ya know? I dunno if he'll fit, I mean where will he sleep…? Her voice wandered off.

_Nice try Ginny._

"Well, if Harry's keen on getting bombarded with reporters and screaming girls I guess that's up to him. Rita Skeeter hasn't been by yet has she Harry?"

That did it. A look of panic filled Harry's eyes, he turned to look at Ginny and mumbled, "I'll go get my stuff."

**Ginny's POV**

"Hermione," I hissed, once Harry had left, "what am I going to do with Bartholomew? I can't let Harry see me taking care of Luna's old stuffed animal!"

"Fine, Ginny, I'll take him," said Hermione decisively, "if you're so worried about that."

"Are you kidding me?" I have to feed a stuffed animal bunny in his own highchair! It's a stuffed animal for Merlin's sake!" I screeched hysterically. "He doesn't even do anything but stare at me through those stupid little button eyes of his!"

"Ginny," stated Hermione shortly, "I think you're a little too stressed."

Harry dropped his stuff off at my flat and then was gone for the rest of the day. Probably afraid of getting in the way of my wrath a second time. And he probably also decided my murder wasn't worth going to Azkaban for. I mean, c'mon, it was just a little ad. Ok, not really, but he deserved it.

It wasn't until that night when the real problem arose.

I had just finished pulling on my powder blue pajama pants and white tank top when I pulled open the door to find Harry leaning against the doorframe wearing boxers.

Just boxers.

They were a nifty little number featuring white whales on a navy background.

_Holy shit, was this guy _trying_ to give me a heart attack?_

His chest not exactly tan, was dark compared to my china doll skin. Quidditch apparently really paid off because his chest was highly defined and so were his arms. His raven hair was ruffled slightly and he flashed me his lopsided smile. _God, that should be against the law! _I swooned. And what girl wouldn't, the man was bloody hot!

"Hey Ginny, I was wondering if you had any blankets for the couch or something?"

"Couch?" I said weakly, finally realizing I had been staring at him for about the past five minutes.

"Yeah, that's where I was planning on sleeping, if that's alright, that is." He said, looking me up and down.

Finally having regained my senses, I was able to articulate full sentences. "But Harry, the couch is like, two feet long, you won't fit there. I'll sleep on the couch and you can just, er, sleep on my bed I guess."

"No, I'm not kicking you out of your bed!" said Harry.

Wow, considering how furious he was this morning, he was being awfully chivalrous. He must be planning something to get back at me. This was all a ruse.

"No, no, it's fine really," I babbled, "I'll just sleep on the couch or the floor or something…"

"_I'll_ sleep on the floor, _you_ sleep in your bed," stated Harry with finality.

"That won't work," I continued, "the floor is hard as rock."

_God, this conversation was getting us nowhere!_

"I guess we could _both_ sleep in my bed." I said peering up at him from under my eyelashes.

Harry raised his eyebrows.

"I mean, not like _that,_" I clarified quickly. But if the floor won't work and neither will the couch… I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. It didn't help that Harry set his intense gaze upon me throughout the whole conversation. Not to mention he looked absolutely gorgeous framed in my doorway.

Finally Harry said simply, "Okay."

The events that followed can't be described as anything less than awkward.

Harry followed me inside my bedroom peering around as he went. "Sorry, it's rather small," I said.

"No matter," he replied.

I pulled back the covers and began fumbling around with the pillows as he got in. Now give me a minute to think this through. Harry Potter is sleeping in _my_ bed. Sweet. Merlin.

Eventually I got in as well. As far away from Harry as I could get. But once I was situated precariously close to the edge of the bed I realized I had no covers. _Figures._

"Hey erm, Harry," I said quietly, "I don't have any covers."

"Oh, sorry," came his reply as he shifted around from the opposite side of the bed.

I reached my hand out grasping the edge of a blanket. It came completely loose. Great, now he didn't have any.

"Sorry," I whispered back, loosening my grip so he could pull some back to his side. Which he did, accidentally pulling the sheets off me completely. I shivered. Obviously, this bed wasn't meant for two people to sleep in. Much less two people sleeping at opposite sides of the mattress.

Realizing the only way to get this to work was for me to scoot closer to Harry, I reluctantly did so. Harry must have come to the same conclusion because as soon as I moved, I felt him brush against my shoulder.

"Sorry," we both said at the same time, turning around to look at each other. Even in the dark I could see his mesmerizing eyes staring at me. Beautiful emerald and peridot orbs.

Suddenly conscious of myself, I turned around and closed my eyes. This was definitely going to be a sleepless night. Even though I was about a foot away from him, I could feel the heat radiating off him, sending shivers up my spine. I shuddered.

The next thing I knew, there were shafts of bright sunlight dancing across the bed covers coming through the sheer curtains draped over the window. I guess I'd managed to fall sleep after all.

Opening my eyes the rest of the way, I glanced around my bedroom, eyes coming to rest on a shock of dark hair resting on the pillow beside me. It took me a minute to realize what was going on and remember everything from the previous day.

Harry lay beside me, hair tousled adorably, a stark contrast against the clean white sheets, long lashes outlining his closed eyes. His bare chest rose and fell to his even breaths that caused the hair across his forehead to dance. Now that I was fully awake I could see the full complexity of this situation, which was the fact that one of his hands was resting lightly on my cheek.

_Right, now Ginny, how are you going to get yourself out of this situation without waking him up? But maybe you don't want to get out of this situation at all,_ said an evil little voice in my head. _Maybe you'd like to stay this way for a little while._

I quickly brushed those thoughts aside and carefully moved his hand with my own, not without thinking twice about it. I surreptitiously pulled the covers off me and got out of bed to go take a shower.

By the time I was out of the shower, had blown dry my hair and was dressed, I came out into my living room to find Harry dressed and sitting on the couch with Hermione, enjoying a cup of tea.

"Morning Ginny," greeted Hermione cheerfully.

"Hey," I replied looking over at Harry who smiled at me.

"Well, Ginny," said Hermione, "I seem to have fixed the problem at Harry and Ron's flat."

"Oh really," I said trying to sound more interested than I really was.

"Yes, I put a spell on the building so that anyone going to inquire about the, er, ad will forget why they were going there in the first place and just walk away," she explained proudly.

"Great."

"Yeah so," cut in Harry," I already got my stuff so I guess I'll see you around. Thanks for, er, letting me stay, Ginny."

It seemed like a rather odd thing to say considering I was the reason he had to stay here in the first place.

As Harry walked to the door I felt Hermione tap me on the shoulder. "Oh and Ginny, about Bartholomew last night..."

And your opinion is...? Review please!

I'm on spring break now so that should give me a lot more time to write and post new chapters!


	5. Men

**Disclaimer…**

I do not own any part of the HP series. It all belongs to the goddess JK Rowling and her creative mind!

**This chapter is dedicated to…**

One of my favorite fanfic authors, Mei1105! She's writing a three story series about Lily and James from their seventh year at Hogwarts; when they start dating; to Harry being born, and finally, their deaths on the 31st. Mei is such a good writer and her stories are amazing! They have made me cry on numerous occasions but laugh just as much. Not to mention they are extremely exciting and action packed.

Right now she's working on the second story and hopefully a new chapter will be posted soon! For anyone who hasn't read these stories, you really ought to. They are called _Beginning of the End_ and _Till Death Do Us Part._

Looking forward to chapter 31, Mei!

'Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!'

Chapter 5

"Men"

**Ginny's POV**

I stared down at a yellow sticky note on the floor beside my feet. It looked like a grocery list. I picked it up and began to crumple it up in my hand only to hear Hermione say, "Wait Ginny. Stop, what was that?"

I shrugged my shoulders and held the paper out to her. "Hermione," I said it's just a grocery list, Harry must have left it here accidentally."

Carefully, she took it from me and held it out in front of herself to get a better look. "Hmm, from Harry you say…" she mused.

"Not _from _Harry, he didn't give it to me. He just left it here by mistake."

"That's what _you_ think," added Hermione.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, moving closer, so I could read over her shoulder.

In messy handwriting the words were scrawled,

rye bread

milk

tomatoes

biscuits

orange marmalade

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Don't you see Ginny," she marveled, her face glowing with excitement," it's a coded love note from Harry!"

_You've got to be kidding me! Harry, write a coded love note? Or any love note for that matter? Yeah, and I play Quidditch for England!_

"Hermione, Harry would never do such a thing," I attempted to explain calmly. But Hermione wasn't having any of it.

"Oh, Ginny," she sang. "I'm so happy for you! I just knew those books would do the trick!"

Wait a minute, stop right there. Something's not quite right with this scene. Hermione is going ballistic over a grocery list she claims is a coded love note. But what if Harry_ did_ leave it on purpose? Not as a real love note of course, but to get revenge? No wonder he was so cordial last night, he was planning to get back at me the whole time! By way of making Hermione go psycho, therefore driving me crazy. _That man! This was it, the icing on the cake! I'd had it with him!_ But of course, there came that nasty little voice in my head telling me I was a big fat liar and was far from being over Harry.

If I had actually made myself calm down to think logically about this situation, I would have rationalized that the whole idea of revenge was complete lunacy. But I guess you could blame it on the fact that my hormones were going completely haywire, and I jumped at the chance to get revenge on Harry. _God, I swear I'm feeling déjà vu right about now._

So, I ushered an ecstatic Hermione out the door and began to plan my next move. It's a good thing it snowed heavily last night…

**Harry's POV**

_So there was somebody else. This, this, this Bartholomew person. What kind of name is that anyway? _I thought, flopping down in the nearest armchair in the apartment I shared with Ron.

"What dragged you through the hedge backwards?" asked Ron, coming into the room.

_Aww, thanks for the concern mate! _"Nothing," I replied.

"Was it Ginny?" _Whoa, when did you become so perceptive?_

"She has a new boyfriend," I admitted grudgingly.

"SHE WHAT?!"

"Name's Bartholomew."

"So you've seen him," implied Ron, inching closer to the edge of his chair, grasping the arms violently.

"No, I've just heard about him." I assured him.

"What's his last name?"

"Dunno."

"Shady character eh? Why I oughta…" with that Ron made a thrusting movement in the air with his fist.

_Hmm, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to tell Ron about this. I think this Bartholomew bloke's best bet would be to hightail it to another country._

Ron finally stopped his insistent muttering, turned to me and said, "Hey Harry, you hungry?"

"Yeah, what do we have to eat?"

"Not much," came Ron's reply from behind a cabinet door.

Five minutes later Ron and I were sitting on the couch with a bag of chow mein noodles between us. Suddenly, we heard the sound of a door opening and turned to see Hermione striding through the kitchen towards us. She must have used the spare key Ron had given her to get in.

"You left this at my place Ron," she said, dropping a bag on the kitchen table as she went. "And Ro-," she stopped and turned to face us. "What are you two_ doing_?"

"Wha os ih ook wike?" answered Ron, through a mouthful of crunchy noodles. Hermione gave him a disgusted look.

"Oh I'm sorry," she continued acidly, "let me rephrase that. Why are you and Harry sitting on the couch eating a bag of chow mein noodles?"

"We were hungry," I supplied helpfully.

"So you're eating chow mein noodles?"

"Sure looks like it," reported Ron, "considering there wasn't anything else to eat"

"And you didn't event _think_ to go to the store to buy food?" inquired Hermione, as if she were stating the obvious.

Ron turned to look at me and we both said simultaneously, "Why would we do that?"

Hermione then proceeded to stalk out of the room, muttering something under her breath that sounded remarkably like, "Men!"

This random chapter was brought to you today by Twiggy Black incorporated with the help of her trusty editor Trinsel and the letter K!

Review please! Yep, that little button down there! There are only about two or three chapters left, which is counting the epilogue of course!


	6. Reasons To Be Intensely Furious And

**Disclaimer…**

This story is purely based on the wonderful characters created by JK Rowling. Especially that green eyed, dark haired guy… sighs…

**This chapter is dedicated to…**

The fact that as of Monday, March 26, 2007, there are only 117 days until _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_ comes out! Getting down to double digits! Yes, it's no joke, my sister and I are actually keeping count! So July 21st, here I come!

**Thanks to my reviewers!**

KoolGiRl9555, Mei1105 and iluvmyboyfriend! Once again, I really appreciate the fact that you take time to review:)

'Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!'

Chapter 6

Reasons To Be Intensely Furious

And Immensely Grateful

**Harry's POV**

The next morning, I woke feeling rather cold. No, actually downright freezing. My first thought was that I had left the window open. Or maybe Ron had. But he was staying at Hermione's place again. As soon as I thought that though, I discovered the real reason my bedroom felt like an icebox. Turning over, I found myself face to face with a snowman. I almost screamed, but then I remember that screaming isn't a very manly thing to do. And hey, anyone would probably have been surprised to wake up with a carrot nosed, button eyed lump of snow sitting in front to of them.

Which got me wondering why there was a snowman right there in the first place. I swung my legs off the bed and began to get up, only to realize there was a giant puddle under my feet. _Great the snow was melting._

I have to admit I was a bit groggy, so my first real thought was that I wanted a nice hot shower. It didn't even occur to me to clean up the melting mush beneath me.

I stumbled into the bathroom, pulled back the shower curtain to turn on the water. Instead of feeling hot water though my hand brushed against something glacial. A snowman. Now this was really getting ridiculous! This one had a tomato nose, olive eyes and a sunhat. I swear I must be hallucinating. Who in their right mind would do this to me? I couldn't see Ron spending his time on something like this. Maybe Fred and George? No, they were too busy with their shop anyways.

_But wait, where was this snow coming from in the first place?_ I knew it had snowed the previous night, but to lug it all up three flights of stairs to my flat? Sure you could use magic, but still…

Curious, I went to the front door and opened it. This time I really did almost scream. No, not out of fright. Try annoyance. There was a snowman barricading my front door. I could barely wedge the door open even a foot. And the strangest thing was, the snowman _looked like me_! Or at least, someone had attempted to make it look like me. The snowman had huge green buttons for eyes, what looked like black yarn for hair and it was holding a broom in one of it's tree branch arms.

Lifting my gaze from the likeness in front of me, I peered through the crack in the door and spotted three more snowmen. Looking to the left, I noticed another four. They were everywhere! All wearing mix-matched clothes and different facial expressions made out of a variety of fruits and vegetables. I counted a total of 11 snowmen out on the landing.

_Ok, this was beyond ridiculous! What kind of psychopath would dream up the idea of barricading me in my flat with snowmen? _

I decided to go talk to Ron. If he hadn't done it maybe he at least knew who did.

Quickly, I changed into some clothes and started down to the garage where I kept my precious BMW. But of course it wasn't that easy. There was still the problem of me being trapped inside because of the snowmen. After about ten minutes of ramming myself up against the door, I managed to open it wide enough to slip through.

I admired my car's glossy finish as I pulled open the door. And this time, I really did let out a cry. Not a scream of course, more like a manly growl. Yeah, that's right. And the reason obviously was the fact that there was a snowman sitting in the driver's seat of my car!

No one, absolutely no one would have the nerve to do this to me! Well, except for…

---

Two hours later, after I had deposited the snow outside my car and used the most efficient drying charms I knew of, my car seat was still wet. And I was tired, cold and furious. What a great start to the morning, eh?

I turned up the heat in my car, hoping it would help the seats dry more efficiently (when instead, all it did was fog up my windows, great, just great) and sped out of the garage heading for Ginny's flat. I was going to clear this up once and for all!

Outside the apartment building I slammed my car door shut and raced up the stairs to number 16. At first I knocked lightly, but when no one answered I knocked a little harder, then I pounded. Five minutes later, I had throbbing knuckles and no answer to my knocking. Figuring I didn't have anything else to loose, I started to turn the doorknob myself and was surprised to find that the door actually swung right open. I looked around carefully and it appeared as if no one was there. Maybe she was out with Hermione.

Stepping over the threshold, I closed the door for a more thorough search. Only to trip on something and almost completely loose my balance. Looking down, I realized it was a rabbit. Not real one. A fluffy, terry cloth, stuffed animal. Why it was lying on the floor I had no idea. I didn't think Ginny, at the age of 21, was still attached to any such creature.

And then a thought dawned upon me. _What if this Bartholomew bloke had given it to her? You know, as a gift on their first date._ It was a stupid idea really, not to mention childish, but I wouldn't expect less from that Bartholomew anyway. So I clung to it. And took the offending rabbit with me.

**Ginny's POV**

I returned later that day, after a not so pleasant lunch with Hermione, during which she regaled all of the latest _Ronisms_, which had been irking her of late. Luckily she was so far engrossed of a tale of how Ron had given her a pair of Keeper gloves for her birthday, saying she could give them back to him for_ his _birthday and how he thought that he thought it was ever so helpful, that Harry's name never cropped up in the conversation. To which of course, I was immensely grateful.

Oh yeah, and the other thing I was immensely grateful for was, _drum roll please, _Luna was coming back the next day! Yes, it was sooner than she'd originally thought, but she wasn't having much luck in Indonesia with whatever mythical beast she was trying to find and she missed Bart too much. She's rather fond of him see. But that's just fine with me. I'd be glad to quit my job as petting-zoo keeper, veterinarian and whatnot, otherwise known as the caregiver to Bartholomew and supreme cook of shredded carrots and parsnips with lemon juice.

So everything was peachy keen until I realized Bartholomew was missing. And that ladies and gentlemen, is when I start freaking out!

-----

**So what do you think?** Terrible? Peachy keen? Please tell me 'cause it's nearing the end here. Only one chapter and an epilogue left!

Your comments are greatly appreciated ya know!

This freezing cold chapter was brought to you today by TwiggyBlack incorporated and with the help of Alphonse the snowman (JK!)

**REVIEW:)**


	7. A Fitting End to One Erratic Week

**Disclaimer**

The only connection I have to Harry Potter is the fact that all the books are sitting on the bookshelf behind me. Plus the one up in my room that my dog chewed the corner of. That dog of mine really has some great taste in literature I must say!

**This chapter is dedicated to…**

Well, I already wrote about Mei1105, my favorite Lily/James author, so this is for my favorite Harry/Ginny author- Charmingly Holly! I don't think any HG fic has made me laugh as much as Holly's _Help the Butter Dish is Attacking Me!_ and _Quick Grab the Cheese Wheels and Run!_ Both stories are written from Ginny's point of view and saying they are hysterical is such an understatement! _Quick Grab the Cheese Wheels and Run!_ is still being written, and hopefully chapter 19 will appear soon (hint, hint Holly!)

'Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend?!'

Chapter 7

A Fitting End to One Erratic Week

**Ginny's POV**

_Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no! Tell me I'm dreaming! _I pinched myself, no such luck.

Right, I just need to calm down and think logically about this. Let's see…

Luna is coming home tomorrow,

Bartholomew is missing,

and I am completely and irrevocably in love with Harry!

Excuse me, what was that? I'm completely and irrevocably in lo- Well, you know what? I'm just going to ignore that comment and pretend I never heard it in the first place.

So, as I was saying (before I was rudely interrupted by a highly unnecessary comment) Luna is planning on coming home tomorrow and Bartholomew is nowhere to be seen. I would know, I had turned my whole flat upside-down in a fruitless search for him.

I had never even taken that stupid stuffed rabbit out of the building! And yet, I couldn't find him anywhere in my miniscule flat! Nope, nothing', nada, zip, zero, null!

I guess someone _else_ could have taken him out of here. Why, I have no clue- hey, maybe Harry did! Oh god! Harry! I'd forgotten about that minor technicality. My revenge, the snowmen! Why oh why did I have to do something so stupid in my moment of weakness? He'll be here any minute to lead me to the gallows. I'd best head him off before he comes.

**Harry's POV**

I was headed out onto the street that lead from my apartment's garage, when something bright red hurled itself at my car. I stopped short of the road and turned to see a frantic Ginny pounding on my car window. She moved aside as I opened the door, got out and closed it behind me.

Leaning against the car I folded my arms over my chest and gave her my full attention.

"Look, Harry," she started nervously, "I'm sorry. I swear I'll stop trying to get revenge on you."

"Revenge?"

"Yeah, er ya know, the _ad…_"

I grimaced.

…the _snowmen_," she continued.

"Ginny-"

"Bloody hell," she screeched suddenly, cutting me off, "Is that Bartholomew?"

"What?"

She continued gesturing wordlessly to the front passenger seat. "What is Bartholomew doing in _your_ car?"

She'd lost me. "Come again?" Why would she think her boyfriend was in my car? At this point Ginny put her head in her hands.

"Er, Gin, are you alright?"

"Here Harry," she said stepping forward, seeming rather vexed, "let me spell it out for you" I looked at her intently, eager to learn the logistics of this odd situation.

"That stuffed animal rabbit, named _Bartholomew_, in _your_ car, belongs to _Luna_. I was taking care of it for her while she was traveling in Indonesia. Therefore, I need it back because she will be returning tomorrow," she finished, glaring, as if challenging me to say otherwise.

"Luna had you taking care of her stuffed animal rabbit?"

"That's Luna for you!" she said nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders.

I stared at her, but she turned her gaze away and I pulled open the car door to take Bartholomew out. I held him out to her and she took him, but not without our hands brushing slightly making us both flush crimson. A tingling sensation went up my arm from the point at which we accidentally touched.

"But, but," I stuttered, "I thought Bartholomew was your _boyfriend_!"

Ginny stared at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing. "Oh Harry," she said, "You can be so thick sometimes. I wasn't going out with _anyone_!"

"Oh," I felt my face heat up even more if that was possible.

"I wouldn't want to be with anyone except fo-" Ginny stopped, bent her head away letting her hair fall in front of her face as if embarrassed and started to walk away.

"Ginny, wait!" I called after her, but she was already gone.

-----

Later that day, my head was still reeling from my conversation with Ginny. What had she been about to say? She wouldn't want to be with anyone except for-? Me? She couldn't possible have feelings for me anymore. That's just too much to ask for.

But, just as I thought that I heard a small knock, coming from the front door. I had half a mind just to ignore it. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to be alone with my thoughts.

Even so, I went to the door and opened it. Ginny stood before me in the doorway, leaning slightly against the doorframe. Her dark amber eyes were locked onto mine and her hair glinted in the last fading, dappled sunlight.

"Hi Harry," she said with a slight smile, "I came to inquire about that ad in the Daily Prophet."

I grinned and pulled her inside.

**Wow, I loved writing this chapter! Especially the ending! What did you think?**

**REVIEW!!!**

**But wait, don't stop reading, there's still the epilogue!**


	8. Epilogue

**Thanks to Everyone Who Reviews For This Story!!!**

But3rcupbaby, writeforonce, Darkened Starlight, CoCoPixie134, Moonprincess92, KoolGiRl9555, iluvemyboyfriend, SxC sLyThErIn LuVa and mei1105!

**Disclaimer…**

Harry Potter does not belong to me at all. He lives in England and sadly I live in a part of the world where there is a serious lack of good looking, dark haired, green eyed men!

**This chapter is dedicated to…**

Fanfic in general! A friend told me about this site last summer and I've been on it ever since! I even still remember the first fic I ever read! Good times, good times… But basically I'm just so glad this site exists because I love writing, reading and HP, so this is heaven! Out of all the fan sites I've ever been on, FanFic is by far the best:)

**Epilogue**

**Hermione's POV**

Dropping my bag down beside me, I flopped down onto the couch and smiled brightly.

"What are you so cheerful about?" inquired Ron, sitting down beside me and peering into my bag.

"Oh, Harry and Ginny finally admitted their true feelings for each other, that's all," I said, as if I were just giving today's weather report.

"You mean, _you_ got them together yourself," corrected Ron.

"No, actually," I said, "This book did it, not me." I pulled _Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend_ out of my bag, showed it to him and then promptly dropped it down to the floor again.

"Hermione! You just dropped that book on purpose, are you okay?" said Ron worriedly. "I thought you loved that book!"

"Are you kidding me?" I said turning towards Ron, "that's the stupidest book I've ever set eyes on! But it did do exactly what I wanted!" I admitted slyly, as Ron shook his head and muttered something about never understanding women.

**Ginny's POV**

"You know Harry," I said, settling down on the couch next to him, with one elbow propped up on the back of the couch, his arm stretched around it, "remember that little ad I put in the daily prophet?"

"Vividly," he answered, tucking a loose tendril of hair behind my ear.

"Yeah, well, it said 'price upon inquiry' but you never told me the price."

"How about you pay up now?" he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into his lap brushing his lips across my cheek as he did so. I curled my arms around his neck, but was unable to answer because his lips were pressed to my own. Sighing contentedly, I sank into his chest.

**Sob, sob, so that's it! The end of my first fic ever! **I've had the idea for this story for a LONG time, but I never imagined I would actually post it! And here it is!

**But enough of _my_ babbling, what did you think of _Who Stole My Goddamn Girlfriend_?**

Many people have read this story but never reviewed. But hey, now it's SO much easier- just send one review for the whole story! I'd really appreciate it! And it only takes a couple seconds! Thanks:)

**And I will of course keep writing!** I have two other stories I plan to write. One pertains to the tensions that are sure to arise when Harry and Ginny meet again over the summer for Bill and Fleur's wedding.

And the other one is a crazy totally NOT serious OOC version of what might occur in the 7th book about Harry and Ginny. _Of course!_ I'm such an HG-shipper!

**So, keep looking for new stories:)**


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